Google Map of all the known cemeteries in the Hampton Roads Area.

Magnolia Cemetery

After stowing my my helmet and locking the parking break on my scooter I took out my camera so I could get a picture of the sign that marked the entrance to the cemetery. While taking the picture the woman insisted on speaking again but this time addressed me directly. "What are you doing?" she said trying to sound as authoritative as possible.
"I am going to take pictures of this cemetery."
"You do this for some company?"
"No, I do it for myself."
"Why you take these pictures?"
"I am photographing all the cemeteries in the Hampton Roads area as a project."

Now that the small talk was over she finally said what she had been meaning to say since the moment I pulled up. "Well this is a dead end road and we don't like unknown people being here." It is statements like that which always seem to bring out the best in a person. I took the opportunity to let her know that I wasn't going to back down. "This is a public road, and that is a public park." As is always the way of those who see things only the way they want to see them she skipped the first part of my statement and locked on the second.
"Well you aren't in the park."
"I am going in right now" and took the 3 steps that took me from not so nice area of town past the cemetery gates and into a very nice looking cemetery.

Much nicer than the one I had been in 15 minutes ago that had such unstable ground that tomb stones that would normally be two feet high were only sticking up nine inches out of the ground. In addition to the much better soil conditions this one offered a much better chance taking some good pictures and seeing a little history too. Both cemeteries were stared in the late 1800's but this one had been kept up much nicer and had even marked the graves of the Confederate solders who, understandably, don't get the normal veteran's tombstone.

But just because I was in a nicer place didn't mean that I was free from the woman who thought that Do Unto Others meant exhibiting all the worst traits of human behavior. I could hear her in the background talking to the world and making sure I heard it too. "I'm going to go find the phone and see if I can call the cops." It didn't take me long for my mood to brighten after that. If she did call the cops then that meant she wasn't going to call a posse and she wasn't going to take a baseball bat to my scooter. So while I took the pictures of the cemetery I made a point to keep an eye on the entrance of the cemetery to await the arrival of the police.

The place wasn't one of those hundred acer memorial parks so it didn't take long to get almost done with the pictures when I saw the cop car pull up into the cemetery. I turned off my camera and started walking over to the car.

Some people know I have had a history of low blood pressure. Some people know that in my younger years I had a history of passing out because my blood pressure could drop so much from standing that I couldn't keep the blood in my head. Most people when in a conflict situation start pumping out a lot of adrenaline so that the body can be ready for the flight or fight response. Due to reading too many books and knowing that a calm head is a much better way to solve a problem than the normal persons methods of pride and vanity I have a bad habit of calming myself so much that my pulse slows down and my already low blood pressure drops even more.

This was potentially bad. Here I was about to get asked 20 questions about why I am walking through a cemetery by some cops and I am having to fight to keep the blood in my head. I manage to get out "Hello officer." and they ask me something to the effect of "Do you know why we are here?" Nothing is better in the world than when a cop asks you an open ended question. Honesty is always the best policy even if it lands you in jail because people don't like your attitude so I can't help but answer as bluntly as possible. "Because a paranoid woman thinks I am a pedophile." I take a second to wonder if the use of the pronoun "woman" will be seen as descriptive or if the phrase "paranoid woman" will be treated as one word and cause the officers to think I have something against women. Fortunately it seemed the former was the way they took it and my blood pressure came a little closer to match that of the cops and a little farther away from matching that of the hundreds of former hearts 6 feet down and 100 feet in every direction of the compass.

It was time to play 20 questions. Where are you from? Why are you here? Did you take any pictures of the kids? Did you aim the camera at the kids? Do you have any weapons? Can I search you, What's in your pocket? Is there anything in your bag? Are there any weapons in your bag? Do you have identification? Can I see your camera? Is there a way to view more than one picture at a time?

I get searched and patted. They call in to see if I am wanted or convicted of anything. They fill out the interview card. The male officer, who I assume to be the lower ranked of the two even though he did most of the questioning, says "Well you know why we are here." Which I take as conformation that he too knows the lady who called in the complaint is paranoid. I wonder if anyone has ever told her that more than half of all child molestations are done by people in the family or that pedophiles don't normally pull up in the presence of adults and kidnapers don't normally drive two wheeled vehicles. He continues "This isn't a good place to be so I would take pictures of some other cemetery." I know he means well but the point of the project is to take pictures of every cemetery in the area, not just those that are not in the scary parts of town. He nods to the other officer who signals that she can't think of any reason to detain me further. I get my bag back and finish off the last few shots of the cemetery before I head back to my scooter.

She stays near her car an he goes back to his and from the drivers seat starts talking to the wonderful person who alerted them to my need to play Who Wants To Be A Stereotyped White Guy In The Black Part Of Town even though I live, and for most of my life have lived, in a different black parts of different towns. The rent is cheap, the food is cheaper and better and with the exception of a few of the walking dead the people are nicer than in the fake people in the white parts of town.

Once adorned with my helmet and mounted on my scooter I can hear some of the words of the woman is having with the cop. "White man shows up here and he may not leave here." I think about escalating the situation by asking her if that is a threat but instead I decide the best way to handle it is as a Christian who does understand the meaning of "Do Unto Others" and simply say "Have a bless-ed day mam" as I rode off into the distance and a point of obeying any traffic laws that I can invent on the spot just in case one of the officers decides to trail me out of there.